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i remember when [we were gambling to win]

Posted 4 years ago in Adelaide, SA, Australia by kaileybee.

Today marlapinsky sent me an email berating me for not posting more (well, it was not so harsh, but I can imagine that it would have been if in person, and marlapinsky is good at motivating me, so-), and here I am. Really, it’s not a case of posting MORE, it’s a case of posting PERIOD. I have no excuse, nothing at all. I have not been too busy, I have not been away from the Internet. I have been reminded by my family that I have not posted for EVER, and I have been religiously reading every other blog that I follow–one woman has just had a BABY and still manages to blog regularly. I don’t know what has happened, and I can’t promise it won’t happen again, but I will try not to allow a silence of this magnitude to fall upon peckandfind again.

The past couple of months since Ryan’s wisdom teeth removal have been eventful, stressful at times, and always entertaining. Our house continues to grow and become more “homey”, even though we have yet to put up photos and things on the walls. (Every weekend we say we’ll do it, and much like me posting on the blog, it doesn’t happen…) I remain absolutely in love with the house, with living with Ryan, and with my life in Australia as a whole. We are actively planning our trip to Canada at Christmas, which I think will be fun for a number of reasons - not the least of which being that Ryan has never been in cold weather! Although I can’t really claim to be the tough Canadian I was when I came to Australia, as it is fully fall in Adelaide, and I freeze at 15 degrees. I can’t wait to have central heating, warm oven meals, and flannelette sheets again.

One of the questions I really dislike has come up a lot in the past couple of weeks, the dreaded “what have you been up to lately?”. I am as guilty as anyone of posing this question, but it is answering that I most detest. The plain truth is that nothing specific has been happening, nothing “exciting”. I spend my time working, cleaning, actively doing nothing, and occasionally going out to social events. My life today is nothing like it was a year ago, and I know that is true of Ryan’s life as well. A year ago I had just moved to Sydney, I was experiencing the best of the best and going out drinking and buying expensive makeup and new things and living the high life. I enjoyed the frenetic pace of my life in Sydney, the excitement. Today I spend my time worrying about stain removal and looking for new dinner recipes, saving for kitchen items and coveting my nights at home, and I could not be more happy, much to the disbelief of some of our friends.

Some random thoughts…a new television show is premiering on primetime tv this week in Australia, real-life horror stories from travellers that have been terrorized by militant groups while on their holiday, travellers that have been captured as sex slaves and those in other horrific circumstances. It is a documentary-style show, and I cannot understand the purpose…there is no reason to freak people out about travel more than they already are! Sometimes I shake my head. (Speaking of shaking my head, Ryan and I watched the Perez Hilton/Will.I.Am video spat from the MuchMusic Awards…hahaha. Whaaaa?)

The Jehovah’s have found me in Australia as well. They came to the door the other day, and I only answered because I thought MAYBE it was a courier delivering a package Ryan is waiting for (should have known…couriers never come in twos!), and anyway, when I DID answer, albeit in my Betty Boop pajama pants and hair in a beastly nest atop my head, it was indeed the Jehovah’s. And the lady was so nice, reading passages from the Bible to me (and I really was trying to be accommodating, even though I couldn’t help but look at the clock every few seconds as I had to get ready and go to work), so when she asked me if I wanted the giant booklet she was handing out, I lied and told her I already had been visited earlier in the month, thank you anyhow. At which point she opened to the index, and asked me which chapters “particularly resonated” with me!?! So I lied AGAIN and pointed out one of the first chapters, and fumbled around the explanation that I’d “er, started from the beginning”. UGH. They left fairly soon after.

It is AMAZING to me that I have been away for a year and a half now, and I am definitely looking forward to coming home for Christmas. I can’t lie though, that thought is even better knowing that I will be (if all goes to plan) coming back to the warm weather again after! I hope everyone is doing well, and I hope to be a better blogger, a more consistent blogger. I hope.

you said you would never [give up easy]

Posted 4 years ago in Adelaide, SA, Australia by kaileybee.

For the past week Ryan has been home from work after having his wisdom teeth removed last Monday. I was able to be home with him for the first 2 days, as they were my days off, and then I went back to work. Of course, the first 2 days were the worst in terms of pain and swelling for him, and have I ever mentioned that I am a nervous nurse? There is nothing I hate more than taking care of people when they are sick, only because I get so stressed and uptight and feel that I am doing a bad job! It was a bad experience for him, and his face did balloon to the point that a comparison to Eddie Murphy in “The Nutty Professor” would not be unwarranted, which, in retrospect, was pretty amusing, even though it was highly painful. Which, as I recall, my face resembled as well when I had my wisdom teeth removed.

The good thing about being home is that after the initial pain has worn off, and you are starting to feel better, you can do fun things like watch movies and have naps and do all of the things you think about doing when you are at work and wish you were home. So we’ve been renting movies and enjoying the time that he’s home from work as much as possible given the circumstances under which he is here. I am happy to say that the swelling is almost completely gone and the patient is back to good spirits.

Because I have started working way more this week, and due to the extra stress of being a nurse for the beginning of the week, I was left completely burned out and feeling ill on the weekend, so this is going to be a weak little post. I had an interesting talk with my boss though, so I will keep you posted on what materializes out of that chat.

Thank you for the lovely comments regarding the blog, I appreciate all of them!

how ever far away [i will always love you]

Posted 4 years ago in Adelaide, SA, Australia by kaileybee.

It has been forever and a day since my last post, and I am ashamed to admit that I am out of practice writing. It is ridiculously easy to get out of shape, physically, mentally, and apparently emotionally, and so these first few posts back could be indicative of the fact that I haven’t written for some time. A lot has happened in the past month, many changes, and the result of these changes has been more introspection, more thought, more worrying. I am trying to be omniscient, I am trying to be superhuman. I am not without my faults.

The past few nights when I crawl into bed I get melancholy, thinking about life. And not because I don’t like my life; I do. This sadness has nothing to do with geography or surroundings, and everything to do with the evolution of time, getting older. It’s like I suddenly realized, fully, that nothing is as it was. And this could seem pretty silly, pretty obvious, but it wasn’t to me. The other day I woke up in a bad mood courtesy of a late night (a good night, but late), and was emotional all day long. I wished in that one day a lifetime of wishes; I wished to be young again, to be free, again, to be without the knowledge that I am getting older and that the good times I am reminiscing about (which, truth be told, probably weren’t as glowing as I think they were) are gone, and are not coming back. I wished so strongly for a day in winter, a day when I was say, four years old, helping my dad stir his coffee in the morning. Standing on the little yellow chair in the kitchen in my flannelette nightgown, barely tall enough to reach the cup, watching the water dissolve the instant cappucino powder he used to have. A yellow plastic cup with a red lid. In those days he still took a lunch kit, orange plastic, thermos full of milk, an apple, washed and wrapped in a paper towel, and an onion bun sandwich; I helped my mom pack it and set it by the door. Uniform of blue t-shirt, blue buttoned short sleeve shirt (pocket protector with pens and mini screwdrivers), black pants. Strange what details a child will remember, what moments are imprinted on their mind. To another child, in another family, these details are insignificant. To me, they are mornings at four years old. A carefree ritual before I went on to watch Sesame Street and Fred Penner, before I made crafts with my mom or played with my LiteBrite.

Even four or five years ago, say, when I was nineteen, just out of high school, into university. Thinking that I was going to be the next scholar, the first person in my family to graduate university. Imagining a great world of possibilities, classes that sounded so amazing, assignments that I was going to ace. Buying brand new textbooks, so nothing, no previous scholar, could taint my University experience. I thought going to university was going to be life-changing, a series of “lightbulb moments”, a time when I would (finally) fit in with people. So many people have that experience at university, where they meet new people who become great friends, where they are challenged on a whole new academic plane. For me, university was about a whole other realm of loneliness, isolation, and the realization that if you learn how to work the system, you can squeak by with a degree. Well, that is what I would have learned if I’d stayed, but of course, I never finished. The point is, though, that I had it good. I skipped probably 45% of my classes , I stayed home (even though university is a joke anyway, it’s not really “full-time”…I had Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays off one year) and slept in, or went swimming or to the gym sometimes with my mom. Even when I did go to class, they ended around 2pm so I came home and had hot chocolate in the winter with my mom and brother, and we’d watch episodes of Arrested Development or shows that had been TiVo’ed during the week. I worked and made a lot of money, I had no expenses (living at home and “going to university”), and bought whatever I wanted and went wherever I could. It was carefree and lovely, with so much unscripted ahead of me.

It’s not to say that today I don’t have a lot ahead of me. I’m only almost 24 years old, I’m hardly writing my bucket list or anything like that (although perhaps that would be helpful). The thing is, I AM almost 24 years old. It’s different now than saying “I’m almost 18”, or “I’m almost 20”. The time as passed for committment-free years; no matter where I am in the world I am not going to be living as carefree as I was even three years ago. I’m not young enough to believe that there is an infinite number of things I can do, realism has taught me that no one can do ANYTHING they want, and the older you get the more you realize that. I’m not being pessimistic or cynical, I’m just coming to terms with the fact that I am grown up now, I am not the little girl watching her dad make his coffee and go off to work, I can’t crawl back into bed and decide I don’t FEEL like going to class today, and I can’t run to my mom everything something hurts me. I feel like this is a difficult age to be at, because it is no longer so socially acceptible to be “finding yourself” still, and yet I am still so uncertain about a lot of things. What am I doing with my life? What is my place in this world? Am I a good person? What kind of a person am I? So many questions, and yet now so many other things to worry about as well. It’s painful to grow up, and so sad too, I think.

On the other hand, it is not without it’s excitement and happiness too: I am living with Ryan, in the cutest little unit on the planet, one that I had a hand in painting and preparing and loving. I adore living with this guy, and I hope he feels the same (although it is questionable at this moment when I am supposed to be sleeping as it is nearly 12:30am…and the tapping of the keys is probably keeping him up).

I talked to my auntie the other day, and she told me that she feels the same as I do sometimes, that she wishes for times past, and I think to a degree everyone probably does. I have to remind myself again to live in the present, to appreciate what I have right now, to love it, because no amount of wishing or hoping or reminiscing will turn back time, and that’s okay.

i'll kiss you again [between the bars]

Posted 4 years ago in Adelaide, SA, Australia by kaileybee.

WOW. How long has it been since I’ve updated the blog!?! Many fun and exciting events have been in the works, which is mostly why I’ve been sorely neglecting the updates, and hopefully I will be back on the updating bandwagon.

So the past few weekends I have been helping Ryan and his parents renovate the unit he bought last July, because as of tomorrow, we are going to be living in it! Which is, as Jessica would say, “super-duper” exciting! The unit is nearly perfect now, after repainting all the walls, replacing some light fixtures, removing the carpet and installing laminate flooring…it looks much newer and certainly very nice. Pictures will be posted to my facebook account for now, until I get my flickr account going again. So if you are not a facebook friend of mine, sorry! Hopefully I’ll have them posted on here soon.

Okay, I ran out of day again and need to be off to work; but once the move is over, I will be back! Stay tuned…

gonna be okay [just dance]

Posted 4 years ago in Adelaide, SA, Australia by kaileybee.

So I know a good long post has been sadly lacking lately, and I certainly don’t want to be all pessimistic and say that it could be a small sign of things to come, because ohmygod, how I love to post! but circumstances (namely laziness) have prevented me from doing so lately. Apologies to my mother.

Lots of very exciting things have been happening lately, like my JOB! Which is awesome, but for one very disturbing fact: the water chemistry is off, so badly that after 3 hours in the water I am a twitching, itchy, rashy mess. Said rash doesn’t respond well to lotion either; it burns when anything comes in contact with it, and was so bad that one woman CRIED when she tried to put salve on it. In fact, she went to the doctor this week to get a medicated cream to put on it, and I was all “yeah, I don’t have medical coverage for stuff like that here!”, and as such am kind of feeling not so good about the whole pool thing. Sidenote, if one of the people from the pool in Edmonton whose name shall not be spoken could shoot me a copy of the Water Chemistry Manual, that would be muchly appreciated. I have a number of hunches about what could be happening, and a number of what I believe to be very valid concerns, but hey, we’ll see now won’t we?

Children are cute. End of story. And it is really, honestly, the cutest thing to see little two and a half year olds running through the water, moving faster than most of the six year olds I used to teach in Canada, grabbing their little puzzle pieces in the water or getting toys. They all wear goggles, so everyone puts their face in the water from the time they are babies, and so by the time they are three years old, most of these kids have an excellent flutterkick, unbelievable breath control, and aren’t scared of swimming underwater to the bottom of the pool and are more than comforable with being let go in deep water…after all, THEY CAN SWIM. Two of the kids I taught today had breakthrough days, and yelled to me “I AM HAVING SO MUCH FUN!”, even though last week we did the same games and the same exercises and I offered the same praise. They are both endlessly entertaining and endlessly baffling.

I am still looking for a full-time job; I had another agency appointment this week, and again was told that the agency would find me work (…thus the point of going to see them…); as marlapinsky said, and I am paraphrasing here, “get your ass to work woman and stop talking shit and find me a job!” Okay, that was a total paraphrase, but the sentiment was the same, I think. Quite frankly I couldn’t agree more.

Oh! Valentine’s Day/Ryan’s birthday: were lovely. Ryan made me the perfect omlette and it really WAS perfect, and that evening we were out celebrating his birthday at the Tap Inn, which led to many a good action shot picture at the driving range and many a good phrase (“I’m all about the irons”.) It was another good weekend spent with friends, as weekends should be.

Alright, I am going to have to end this here, because the scratching is getting too distracting. I am actually borderline concerned that there is something really wrong with the pool water…but then again, what do I know? Excuse me while I go slather myself in Vaseline.